The cheese grater
by anthropomorphizer
Summary: Rincewind finds a cheese grater made by B.S. johnson. He then runs away from a quest to save the world.
1. A Cheese Grater?

This is story I thought up when I first read the book "Interesting Times". It's a really stupid story about Rincewind finding a cheese grater made by B.S. Johnson. Sort of inspired by the book Finn family Moomintroll. My first fic so please READ AND REVIEW.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from discworld except for the cheesegrater. If I did own it, I wouldn't be living under a rock with $2 left so don't sue.  
  
THE CHEESE GRATER  
  
He hadn't known it would be so hard. All the archchancellor had asked him was to go into xxxx for a small time, just to find out why there had been strange portals opening up all over Ankh-Morpork. He had traveled to xxxx and had been searching around when he had been attack by several large black chickens. The luggage quickly killed them, and Rincewind ate them.  
  
The next morning, however, he learned from the luggage that the chickens belonged to another man, and that man was now gathering the townsfolk to come and slowly rip his body into four pieces. As he considered himself to be a sane man, he began to run away as fast a possible. Looking forward, he saw the shore with a handy boat floating in it. Rincewind had of course jumped into the boat and began to paddle. On the boat he found a bag of potatoes, and two oars, so he began to paddle.  
  
As he paddled he finally looked at the ocean itself. It was dark red, and looked like blood. He then saw, out of all things, a cheese grater floating by. He grabbed it, and picked up a potato to grate. As he picked it up, he failed to notice the engraving on the side. It read, "made by B.S. Johnson."  
  
As he began to grate, the bits of potatoes began to change shape and color, and slowly became...  
  
AHHH! A cliffhanger, and a really bad one at that. I'm horrible at this so don't blame me if its bad. If you didn't like it, please offer constructive criticism.  
Anthropomorphizer 


	2. Juice?

Hi again! Sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I've had tons of homework, and I went to camp for most of the summer.

Disclaimer: I don't own Discworld or any of the characters in it so far. The only thing I own at the moment is a rock and the cheese grater.

I would like to thank my (few) reviewers (note that these reviewers were from before my story got wrongly taken off of ff.n):

Bellashamharoth: mmmmmm cheese...

Australiaman: you really think it had too much detail? I hope you'll like this chapter better then.

WargishBoromirFan: I'm glad you like my story. Microsoft Word doesn't check proper nouns, and I have horrible spelling. Rincewind found out about the chickens when the luggage ran up to him and started running around, as he heard a battle cry of a man from farther away, "For the Chickens!!!!!" he sort of figured it out. Good question though.

And now on with the story!

Juice?

As he began to grate, the bits of potatoes began to change shape and color, and slowly became, a lot of ants? Strange as it may seem, the bits of potato were now little black ant falling out of the cheese grater. Rincewind immediately shook the cheese grater over the side to make the ants fall out and drown (ants could be dangerous you know).

Rincewind now decided to do a little experimenting. He turned to the luggage and retrieved a bottle of water from the depths. He then slowly poured a little bit of the water through the holes in the cheese grater. And from the bottom of the cheese grater came a red liquid.

Rincewind cautiously stuck his finger into the pile of liquid, and hesitantly brought it to his lips and sucked his finger. It tasted just like tomato juice. 'Well, at least I'll have enough juice' he thought to himself as he looked at the large lake full of the red juice.

Rincewind had continued paddling, and presently he came to the other end of the lake. He could see nothing but hard, dry ground to one side, and the lake to the other. After gathering the bag of potatoes and as much of the tomato juice, he climbed out of the boat and began to look for some signs of life.

Walking along in the desert, Rincewind thought that he could see something big and purple in the distance. As he came closer, he realized it was one of the portals that the archchancellor had sent him to find. Knowing that if he took a closer look, he would probably get pulled into a quest or something to save the world, he immediately ran the other way as fast as he could.

Running as fast as he could, he didn't notice the large shape in front of him until he ran into it, knocking himself unconscious.

What was the thing that Rincewind ran into? Will he ever get out of XXXX? Find out next time on The Cheese Grater.


	3. FILLER CHAPTER!

Hi everyone! I hope that this chapter was better then the last one (I GOT 2 REVIEWS!). People, even if you don't like this story, please review it and tell me what is wrong with it. Or just flame me, I don't really care, so long as I get reviews…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story but the cheese grater and several other things, so please don't sue me.

CHAPTER 3: THE UMMMMM

Waking up, Rincewind's vision was very blurry, but he thought he could see a very large animal in front of him. As it turned out, it was a kangaroo. The luggage was sitting back, seeming (if the luggage could show emotions) very concerned.

Standing up slowly, Rincewind looked around. He could see desert, desert, and, well, more desert. The only other things he could see were the luggage, his bag of potatoes and tomato juice, and one very large kangaroo.

"Well this is just great!" he said to no one in particular, "What am I supposed to do now!"

"You could try saving the world" The kangaroo suddenly said.

"No, no, no, no, no, no. no, no AND NO!" Rincwind shouted, and, grabbing his bag, began to run a random direction into the desert.

The kangaroo of course caught up with him with long, steady jumps. After running several miles, Rincewind finally noticed this. About this time the kangaroo decided to kick him.

As Rincewind flew through the air, he saw a large purple hole suddenly appear in front of him, engulfing him entirely.

Sorry its such a short chapter….. BUT I will post the next one soon! And It will be much longer! PLEASE REVIEW! I NEED THE MOTIVATION!


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